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| My sister, me, and Honey, on my wedding day |
Today, Honey starts her 2nd round of 3 day back-to-back chemo treatments. Her first round was 2 weeks ago, and only a few days ago did she start getting her energy back. During the first round, Honey lost her energy and spent a good amount of time throwing up. I’ve never been around anyone going through chemo, so I had no idea what to expect---every day is a new learning.
2 days ago, on January 7th, Honey’s hair began falling out. I find this so crazy because that was EXACTLY 1 month after her surgery, when we found out she had colon cancer. She pointed out big clumps on the kitchen floor, and you can see it falling out of her head as she walks around. I took my hand, gathered her hair, and tried to pull out all the loose hair. After gathering a fistful, I walked to throw it away. When I came back, I could see more hair falling out. The doctors don’t believe she will lose all of her hair so I asked Oh, so she’ll have a patch here and a patch there?. They told me Not exactly, it will just be very thin. If her hair does all fall out, I think she should get her head tattooed—something cool on her head to serve as a “hidden” reminder once her hair grows back….maybe the name of her favorite child Amelia, or a cross, or some other kind of symbol.
This whole experience has been so taxing on me, and any time that I am away from my mom, I feel guilty. Not only has it taken a physical toll on me, but it's taken a deeply emotional toll too. NO CHILD should have to see their parents so sick, but yet I find myself there every day. Chemo has been much worse than I could have ever imagined.
For one week every year, my church, Trinity Church – Dallas, does a Corporate Fast, where you give up at least 1 meal a day and spend that time with God. It started this past Sunday. There are prayer services every day from 12-1 pm and church services every night. In the past, I've kind of half-heartedly (but with the best intentions) participated in the Fast, but this year, it just feels different. It's good for my soul to attend every event possible. I went to the prayer service Monday and I can't tell you how good it was for me. The theme for that day was "Prayers of Thankfulness" and how important it is to be thankful to God during times of trial and struggle. I started praying "God, what can I say that I am thankful for at this time?" and I realized that I am thankful for his POWER TO HEAL. Just think about it, God heals all, and it's because of this power that each of us has the ability to face tomorrow during difficult times. God didn't give my mom cancer, the Enemy did. But, MY GOD can do what the Enemy cannot—HEAL HER. I am thankful that MY GOD CAN HEAL, and that HE WILL HEAL Honey of this disease--whether it be here on earth or when she ascends to His throne.
The overall theme of the Fast this year is Spiritual Family and it's like Pastor Joe picked that theme just for us. Without our Spiritual Family, my mom wouldn't have as much care as she has. The support from her friends from church has been unbelievable. And while our spiritual family has been helping Honey get to appointments, or to shower, or bring dinner, they've also been supporting me....encouraging me. Which is weird, because I feel like I don't deserve their kind words of encouragement, I'm just doing this because she's my mom and that's what children do for their parents but they remind me that I'm not on my own. I don't have to walk this sad journey silently by myself. I can call on them when I need to.
The first day of the Fast, as we were studying Revelations, this verse shone like a bright star flashing off the page:
Revelations 2:10
Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.
AMEN TO THAT! And AMEN that my God will heal Honey!
