Lately, I’ve been struggling with the spirit of comparison. I mean, I’ve been overwhelmed by it. A majority of my thoughts center around how I lack compared to others, and quite frankly, it’s depressing.
Do you ever catch yourself comparing yourself…either negatively or positively? Neither is good….you’re either bringing yourself down—diminishing all your positive attributes (I’ll never be as eloquent as Jim), or you’re being bombastic, stroking your ego (I’m so much luckier than Lucy—I have great style and she…well, she could use some help).
Perhaps Dallas is just a breeding ground for comparison. So much of my daily life swirls around materialism, and talented people, and well-dressed people, and beautiful people, and wealthy people. Who has the nicest car in the parking garage? Who has the best wardrobe? Who has the latest and greatest “it” item? All of these things totally drive comparison. They also drive me totally INSANE!
In an effort to rid myself of these thoughts – no, lies – roaming in my head, here’s my “Death by Comparison” list.
- I am not creative. I really wish I was, but I’m not. My blog posts aren’t creative either. There are a ton of people I know that are incredibly creative. I only know Excel.....
- People don’t care to hear what I have to say. Some bloggers have tons of followers and readers…I only have 9 (who are willing to admit they follow my blog).
- I am not as “trendy” as some girls I know. I really try to be and I wish I was, but I’m not. A lot of my friends are wearing Palazzo pants, and peplum tops. I haven’t even tried this stuff on.
- I don’t have a big group of girlfriends. I wasn’t in a sorority. If I’d been in a sorority, I might have a big group of girlfriends. Oh, I’m so jealous of girls that have a big group of girlfriends to socialize with. Hell, at this point, I’m not even sure if I have a “BFF”. What’s wrong with me!!!
- I work out daily, but I’m not skinny. I’ve never seen my abs. I know girls that NEVER work out and are in great shape…their thighs aren’t big, their tummies are taut… I love the sun, but I hate putting on a bikini.
- I started a small business, and it failed. I could never get my “friends” to help me promote it. Why don’t I have friends that would help me promote my business? Why don’t I have friends that would be excited about this?!
- I so desperately wish my husband would take me to Galas and Balls. But, we’re never invited to them. I know so many people that get to go to Balls and dress up.
- I don’t think I’m pretty. Honestly, I don’t. I see beautiful, pretty people all the time---why am I not as pretty as them?
Oh. My. Gosh, see! Death by comparison is real! How can anyone feel good about themselves with thoughts like this!
As I thought about this post, I knew there must be some reason I am so inundated with these thoughts, and then it hit me. Social media is driving this. I look at people on Instagram and Facebook and Blogs, with their fabulous lives, and their beautiful friends. I think “Wow, how lucky for them! If only I had that!”
Do you catch yourself scrolling through social media comparing yourself? Or walking around comparing yourself? How do we find a healthy balance and stop comparing ourselves to others---aside from moving to an island where we are all alone with no Internet?
How are you breaking the spirit of comparison before it becomes the death of you?
Amelia!! I love this post -- it's from your heart and I'm sure it resonates with all 9 of your readers!
ReplyDeleteI constantly compare myself to others, through social media or in real life -- and I've REALLY struggled with insecurity and "over-comparison-disorder" over the years, especially recently: so you're not alone here. Like your picture said: we can't compare our behind-the-scenes to someone's highlight reel. That lesson is/has been incredibly difficult for me. I try to find a healthy balance by working on myself and focus on all the things I DO have and have accomplished (especially if it's something others have not done) -- amazing family, traveled, graduated from A&M (twice!), have a masters degree, bought a house by myself, support myself, etc. etc.
If you really want to get down to the basics, at least you have clean water that is available IN your house, you have a house period, you aren't a sex slave, you're highly educated and have a well-paying job, a great family, and a great husband (with a great family). PLUS you have Jimmy Choo, Manolos, and Louis in your closet.
As far as your comparison list -
- Knowing Excel is a POWERFUL skill. Don't knock that. Besides, Pinterest was created to give non-crafters the inspiration & instructions to be creative. Creativity is subjective anyway.
- I like reading your blog -- about your home renovations, your travels, your life, etc. Maybe it's because I know you in real life, but I think you write well and it reads like we're having a conversation.
- I have always thought you were fashionable. I distinctly remember a time I saw you out on Northgate and thought: "I wish I was wearing that," or probably more accurately, "I wish that's what I looked like in that outfit." You would probably look really cute in a peplum top.
- You have the cutest figure! So what if you don't have a 6-pack. That has a lot to do with genetics anyway. Sure, we're all over-critical of ourselves, but Trust me, you look good. Being "skinny" is ALWAYS something I've struggled with. "Skinny" may not be in the cards for me, considering the only time I've been "skinny" was when I lost 20 pounds after a TERRIBLE break-up...
- AND, I've always thought you were pretty -- petite, blond, blue eyes, good smile... plus, you're really smart and probably one of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met. Did you watch the Dove ad where women described themselves to a forensic artist? Please do if you have not.
- I don't have a big group of girlfriends, or necessarily a BFF, either. I have had the "What's wrong with me??" conversation with myself A LOT. I try to think quality vs. quantity, but I am a little jealous of girls who have 57 different (and as just as close) groups of girlfriends. You should join Junior League! It's been fun and I've met a few new people that way.
- I'm sorry about your business. At least you got out there and did something you wanted to do -- that's a lot more than most people can say. I thought it was a good idea and something a lot of women could have benefited from... so, maybe it didn't fail, it just wasn't the right time?
- I don't get invited to the balls or galas either. I don't even know people who do, so you're doing better than me in that respect!
Stay positive, be happy! You should also read http://allgroanup.com/. I love the blog and ALL of the posts are incredibly relevant. If it makes you feel better, I know most of your readers, and they don't follow my blog! :)
Kristi- thank you for your feedback and comments! I almost put a disclaimer in my blog saying something like "I'm not looking for "build-me-ups" based on my Death of Comparison list", but I really did want to provide a list of things I struggle with. Like I said, they are totally lies that I get caught up in believing. And, I know I'm not alone in these lies. You are so right about having so much, and I love the list you provide of your successes (like owning your own home---which is an incredible accomplishment to do on your own)!
DeleteMaybe that will be a follow up blog for me---the truths to the lies in my "Death by Comparison" list. Recognizing and admiting are the first steps to healing, right?! I'm like a moth heading to a flame--I know social media is the problem, but I just.can't.quit.it!
And, thank you for following my blog! I always enjoy your comments and feedback!